Alone
by Pens Insanity
Summary: Who comforts the comforter?
1. It's Oh So Quiet

Title:Alone  
Author:Insanity  
Summary:If your alone and you scream, do you make a sound?  
Spoilers:None at all.. This could be set just about anytime. S1/2 in my mind.  
Disclaimer:If I owned them I wouldn't be writing stories, I'd be making TV shows. Not even the words are mine, the belong to the Oxford Dictionary. ;)  
Note:This wasn't meant to be my first story, but now it is. I'm writing a veryyyyy long story that won't be finished for ages and I kinda figured I should test the waters first, see if anyone actually likes the words I throw down. Wouldn't be surprised if that was a negative, I'm not exactly gifted, but 'twould be nice if someone thought it was alright..  
Note2:Also, I haven't decided yet or anything, but this could have a few more chapters. If you're wondering HOW on earth I could make this waffle longer, then you'll have to keep wondering cos I haven't decided yet. Have a few other bits written but I might use them for something else..

Alone

5 Márta 2010

In the darkness of his quarters, the easy smile fades. The positive tough exterior fades and his shoulders slump. Head bowed resting in his hands, which rest in turn on his legs one might wonder how he manages not to fall from the apparent weight he carries. Who's to know he doesn't? For in the night he is alone.

Only in his quarters in the midst of the sleep cycle can he take off his carefully placed mask. Only then can he relax his jaw muscles and rid himself of the painfully upheld smile. His eyes close wearily and reopen, clear blue warmth gone and replaced by bleary-eyed weariness. A deep shudder runs through his bones.

The rest think that he is strong, that nothing can get him down. His attitude makes them feel better. His acceptance of their insults so calm. They think that their comments do not hurt him, that they just bounce off his human exterior, generously accepting the frustrations and anger of the battle worn crew. Perhaps he is too 'primitive' to realise their words are meant to hurt. Maybe he doesn't notice how they belittle him. Though they suspect he allows it because he is most capable to accept their harsh volleys. If not him, then who?

He fights back the only way he knows how. By using his smiles and his jokes, by saying incomprehensible words that even he does not understand, he makes them think that he is strong, that nothing can get him down, that the inferior human will always be there for them. And when the pain becomes too much he simply widens his grin and lends his comfort to them, never thinking of his own hollowed out body.

Alone in his quarters he doesn't have to pretend anymore. Here it is just him and he knows how much energy it takes for him to carry on with his meticulously created facade.

In the day all hear his laughter. It comforts them, makes them feel that nothing is as dire as it seems. Perhaps that is why he does it. Not only to save himself but to save them as well. Always the compassionate creature.

And when the day winds down and the others grow tired, who is it who sends them off into the night with a well-placed sentence and a heart-warming smile? Always he is giving. It does not occur to anyone that because he is the one to always comfort, always joke, there is nobody there to do the same for him. He must be contented with absorbing their miseries and giving them what joy he has left.

He does it because he loves them. Is always looking out for them. He gives so freely what he has never received. But in the night, that strength leaves him. When he is alone his sorrow hits him. He will arise in the morning as cheerful as ever, and none will ever know his secret weakness.

His head still in his hands, he lets out a deep breath. Slowly, as if unsure of its course, a single tear runs down his face.

In the night, nobody hears a lone human cry.


	2. In the Night

Chapter 2

Note: I was going to leave the fic as just the one piece, but then my conscience started telling me to feel sorry for John. And this whole Chi thing came about from a reply, I originally had some weird thing happening with Rygel, but hopefully this works better though I'm not sure I've got the characters right.

In The Night

7 Márta 2010

The double moons are obscured by angry clouds, casting a deep darkness across the city. Rainfall hits the grimy streets, pattering unhindered to the ground. All who are wise enough are inside seeking the comfort of their beds. One slight figure can be seen dashing frantically through the night.

The rush of panicked breath is her only companion, feet slapping the ground rapidly as she continues her frenzied run. She runs from her fear, from her pain, from death and all its consequences. She finds another alleyway and turns into it, halting abruptly to catch her breath. Looking around she realises she is completely and utterly lost.

"Frell" She whispers. The only word she has spoken for arns.

Suddenly dark hands emerge from the gloom and descend on her, grasping her shoulders tightly, pulling her away from the alley that was her temporary sanctuary. She screams and kicks but it has no effect on her captor.

Pulse blast erupts from behind her swiftly hitting their target, her unknown captor jerks and then falls slowly to the ground. Quickly she turns around to face this new threat, but gasps at whom she sees.

"Nerri!" Her joy and relief can be heard clearly, and a wide grin appears across her face. "I've found you! I was told you were dead, but your here! How did you know where I was?"

Nerri looks at her silently for a moment, almost as if he is unsure of what he sees. Contemplating her a little longer he calmly starts to speak, "Hello little sister. I've missed you too. We've been looking for you, you know. But now I've found you." A tight smile flits across his face, looking slightly unnatural, Chiana begins to feel wary as he continues, emotionless eyes glinting in the low light. "It's time for us to go home, little sister. The establishment will be so pleased for two of their lost children to return"

As he continues to grin, Chiana slowly starts to back away. She backs into something soft, and hands grab her body. Her screams for help go unnoticed, as a bag is thrown over her head.

"Nerri! No!"

Chiana awakes sweating in her quarters, gasping for breath and staring around her room with wild eyes whilst the last claws of her nightmare release her. Trembling, she wipes away the tears that have collected on her face.

Sitting quietly in her quarters she starts thinking about her dream. Her greatest fear is to be recaptured and mind cleansed. And for her dream to present Nerri that way... She shudders.

Her brother was always her protector. She was wild and mostly uncontrollable, never thinking of consequence with her cocky attitude. It was always Nerri who came and saved her when her antics got her into dangerous situations. Always him tending her wounds and calming her quietly.

For years, it was just the two of them, running away together from Nebari Prime. A united front against all who dared stand in her way. At night, she would confess all her fears and worries to him, and he would do the same for her. You could not find a closer brother and sister. That is why it was all the more painful when he abandoned her to seek the Resistance.

In front of the others, she continued her attitude, feigning wily toughness and cheeky confidence. Inside she screamed, crying out over her abandonment, her fears. Never get close to people, she trained herself, they all leave in the end.

Thinking about her new friends though, she couldn't help but ponder how close they had all gotten, in such a short time. Sure maybe Aeryn and her weren't exactly friends, the ex-peacekeeper thinking her a tralk, a waste of space and not to be trusted with anything, but she liked to think that with the others she had some sort of camaraderie.

Rygel and her had been friends of sorts almost from the first word, being of like minds with regards property and money, and of self-preservation. D'argo treated her like a child most of the time, as did Zhaan, and she found it immensely annoying for the most part, but she liked that they took her under their wing, trying to guide her to better ways, and protecting her when that fell through. And D'argo was kind, and easily swayed by a females cries. Not that she would ever dream of manipulating him.

Her mind kept flitting through memories of their time together, until she hit upon John. From the start, he was the one to stand up for her. He was fast becoming almost like a brother. Sure, she wouldn't mind if it was a more intimate relationship, but he was tinked and spent his days traipsing around after Aeryn like some khanz hound. And it was nice to have someone around just to talk to. He reminded her of Nerri in a way, and she new he looked at her like a little sister.

He always had a quiet word for her, a joke or a smile. They played tricks and games on each other, and on Rygel. He made her feel better when she was down, around him the screaming in her head quietened for a time. She reminded herself that he too would leave eventually, but a part of her mind didn't care and wanted to hold onto him while he was here.

Even just thinking of John was making her feel marginally better, the horrors of her dream lessening in her severity. But she still was scared. She still felt very alone.

Slowly she slipped out of her bed and began padding her way down the corridor. Maybe John would be awake to talk to her and take away her fears. If not she could always watch him sleep for a while. She grinned quickly and started walking faster.


	3. Look to the East

Chapter 3

Note:This is the last bit. I hope you liked it. I'm terrible at conclusions. And chapter titles(evidently, lol) Anyways, thanks for reviewing and reading. :)

Look to the East

7 Márta 2010

The dull glow of Moya cast no shadows on the lithe Nebari as she crept through the halls. Chiana was trying her best to be as silent as possible. Knowing her crewmates as she did, she knew it would only take a misplaced breath to awaken them. She did not want to be distracted from her course, and so padded along, cat-like, breathing kept to a minimum, dark eyes flitting here and there as she looked for possible obstructions.

It was times like these she was proud of her thieving life, if she had not been forced to learn to sneak and steal she would never be capable of slipping past the sleeping quarters of an insanely paranoid peacekeeper or sensitive sensed Luxan. She smiled grimly at herself and complimented her own skill.

She was slowly coming closer to John's quarters. Why everyone was so scattered on this ship, she did not know, but it suited her purposes fine, as hopefully nobody would hear her and John if they spoke quietly.

As she turned the last corner she stopped, body poised at attention. Through the gloom of Moya she could make out small sounds. Immediately she was on alert, and she cursed herself, inwardly thinking she had been caught just as she reached the finish.

She listened longer, straining to hear the noise for what it was. There was along exhale of breath and then a series of sniffs. Occasionally she thought she could hear what sounded like a hiccup interspersed. She stood still, in the same position as when she first discovered the noise. She was perplexed, it sounded like it came from the corridor in front of her, which meant that John could be in trouble, but wasn't one to go looking for danger.

It was a strange noise that sounded out of place with the gentle hum of Moya, and she was uncertain whether or not to continue. She liked John, that was true, but she liked being alive more, and knowing this ship the noise came from some carnivorous beast just waiting in the darkness to pounce on an unsuspecting Nebari girl.

She figured she had two choices, sneak back to bed and hope nobody heard her, or investigate the noise and perhaps get John to tag along. He was always ready for an adventure, she thought, unlike some of Moya's inhabitants.

Her inquisitive nature got the best of her and she silently crept forward again. Dench by dench she got closer to John's quarters, and the noise got steadily louder and louder, but still quiet enough that she couldn't really make out what it was.

Standing outside Crichton's door she realised the noise was coming from inside. She peered into the room, black eyes reflecting small stray bits of light. She was suddenly wary, not sure if she really wanted to follow through with her little adventure. There was a form sitting on Crichton's bed, she expected this was the monster and she was probably too late to save Crichton. But as she focussed on it she realised it was John himself sitting on his bed, still clothed in what he was wearing in the day cycle.

Feeling brave Chiana opened the door to John's room, and noted that he didn't even look up, seemingly unaware of her presence. She walked in, went over to where John was sitting, and pounced into his view.

"Gotcha Crichton!" She chuckled at him. "What are you doing sitting in the dark you fekkik? And why are you still dressed?" She flounced down on the ground in front of him, crossing her legs. John finally looked at her, seemingly only now realising he was not alone.

"Oh umm... Hey, pip. What 'ya doing here?" He rasped. He hoped fervently that Chiana would put down the odd tone of his voice to sleep. He hastily scrubbed his eyes, anxious that she not realise he was crying. He didn't want everyone to think any less of him than they already did.

"Just thought I'd come see you," She hazarded, suddenly unsure if she wanted to talk to him. There was something off about him and there was a voice in her head that told her to be concerned. She brushed it back though, she knew Crichton, nothing bothered him, he was the steadiest of all the crew, always acting in his crazy human way that was beginning to become predictable. She decided she may as well talk to him, so she turned slightly and ordered the lights to become a little brighter so they could see each other.

They both spent a couple of microts adjusting to the brighter room, and then Chiana turned back and looked at his face. She gasped.

"Crichton, what's wrong? Are you crying?" It was inconceivable, she thought. Crichton was strong, he didn't cry.

He looked a bit put out for a moment. "Uh no Chi, just, ya know, cleaning my eyes." He hoped she might think it was some strange human ritual and leave it at that, but this was Chiana.

"Oh, ok. Sure Crichton. So 'wha soup'? Why aintcha sleeping? We have to go to that commerce planet tomorrow, so you're going to want to be ready for a fight!" She grinned cheekily and waited for his response. When it didn't come, she looked more closely at him. He didn't appear to be paying attention to her, staring into the distance. His eyes seemed to be glistening more than a few microts ago.

"Hey Crichton, I think you're eyes are dirty again. What's wrong?"

He slowly looked at her again, staring at her for a while before answering, contemplating his response. "It's 'what's up'. And nothing's wrong Chi, I'm fine and dandy. Just spending a little time to myself, thinking."

"Oh, ok. You know you can tell me stuff? You're not alone in this frelled up ship." She was unsure of what to say. An apparently morose Crichton wasn't something she was prepared for. She had only come down here so he would comfort her, and she wasn't sure she could handle the opposite situation.

His expression changed whilst she spoke, the first signs of a smile appearing on his face.

"Thanks Chi." He went quiet again. He shook his head slightly and when he stopped he appeared to have gathered his thoughts, his expression becoming more like the Crichton she new. "I'm better now. I think I just wanted some company."

"Will I go get someone? Aeryn maybe?" There was a mischievous gleam in her eye, and when he laughed she smiled brightly.

"Naw it's fine Chi, we wouldn't want Ms Sunshine to miss out on her beauty sleep. You can stay for a bit if you want. You got something you wanna talk about?"

"Sure Crichton" With that Chiana hopped up and invited herself into his bed. He looked a bit surprised at first but then he only smiled and got into bed next to her. She curled herself into him like a kitten and began reciting her nightmare from a couple of arns before. He listened intently, slowly stroking her hair throughout, as if to remind her he was there. It was calming and she relaxed more into him, comforted by his presence. As her words slowly become quieter and more slurred under his ministrations.

She never reached the end of her story, falling asleep to the gently rhythms' of Johns breathing patterns. When she awoke in the morning, she was tucked into the bed in her own quarters, warm and comfortable. She smiled to herself and thanked Crichton for ridding her of the nightmare that had plagued her during the night.

She met John later in the galley when she was eating first meal. He came in and sat down beside her, not before ruffling her hair playfully.

"Thanks for talking to me last night old man"

"No problem kiddo. Thanks for keeping me company. Now, hows about me and you take the module to the commerce planet? The others went a couple of arns ago, but you weren't lookin pretty enough so I let you sleep." He grinned at her and stuck out his tongue as she hit him.

He turned serious after a moment and looked at her.

"Hey Pip?"

"Yeh old man?"

"Thanks for reminding me I'm not alone"

"Anytime. Now let's go before Lord Froggy spends all our credits!" With that, they both got up and headed for the maintenance bay, pushing and shoving each other as they joked.


End file.
